Just Around the River Bend

I spent last weekend on a boy scout canoe trip.  Hub got to stay home alone, kind of a late Father’s Day gift.

population 5 to 500, huh

I wasn’t worried about taking both kids rolling on the river, since I had previous canoe training that involved going around buoys, getting flipped and swimming in my clothes… when I was an 11 year old.

Image result for girl scout canoe(Scout)

Unfortunately, since then most of my canoe experience has come from the viewing of cartoons.  I was ready to sing my heart out and avoid picking up any sort of raccoon or cebu hop ons.

Image result for song of the cebu Image result for disney pocahontas canoeing

My daughter and I were the 1st canoe that capsized,

-we’re probably going to need a few of these-                          Image result for capsize badge


But we were far from the last, which was oddly comforting.

I got some tough looking bruises and scrapes out of it though and a new phrase, prayer swear, that describes a paradoxical combination of words that may fly from your mouth involuntarily in the face of imminent doom!:)

We were actually mugged by THIS harmless looking, evil tree:

It punched me in the jaw and took both our sunglasses, a paddle and the kid’s water bottle.  Thankfully the camera, advil, etc… where in a ziploc belted to the boat, so I was still able to get this after picture: 

Fortunately, we were rescued by Eagle Scouts.  I tell ya, nothing beats travelling with an entourage of Boy Scouts.

You know, because they’re just so trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, er… sneezy, happy, gassy… well, no one’s perfect

Image result for boy scouts

The rest of the day went a little smoother… after I grabbed somebody who actually knew what they were doing to tell me everything they know about canoeing.

Still, if we got close to anything, my daughter would just yell, “help!  my mom doesn’t know what she’s doing!!”

I told her to stop attracting attention…

when you float trip, there are just some strange rangers out there

Pretty sure I saw a small child being towed behind a tube in an inflatable cooler.

Also, we had a group of young ladies/river sirens, whose conversation was very colorful, that got started right around the same time we did, (9a.m. / Happy Hour).

They sported an impressive array of patriotic bikinis, which was perfect since we were rolling with a bunch of 11 to 17 year old boys.

So, my son had opted out of co-canoeing with me and sis and went with other canoe buddies (that didn’t capsize immediately).

Probably a good thing in the end.  I think our kids, right now, sharing a canoe might have been a bad idea at best… at worst degenerated pretty quickly into a full on Dr. Seuss situation… kind of a paddle battle, puddle muddle.  Although, if I remember right, that one took place in a bottle.

Image result for dr. seuss paddle battle


here’s my girl in a pretty chilly spring

She’s so cute!  It wasn’t easy all day trying to line her up with all those low hanging trees.

The canoeing definitely wears them out though.  Most of the kids end up looking like this:

So Tired… Zzzzzzz…

Of course, I ended up looking a little more like this:


This might need a better story   …  I cut off the Haskin’s Canoe provoking Nanette’s River Rage.  That and all the hot sun and moonshine of the day precipitated the yelling of some heavily accented challenges, “Kiss My Country …”  Things quickly escalated, gauntlets (I mean coozies) were thrown and  I blacked out after she hit me with a banjo.  Yeah, that’s why you should always  keep your life jacket on Image result for smile colon parenthesis


T.G.I.F. @ Day Camp

sent: Fri 6/8/2012 9:35 PM

I was pretty groggy getting packed up and on the bus for camp. Once we got there, I strictly enforced the ‘no water fights before the opening flag ceremony’ policy. The boys think it’s about respecting our country, but mainly it’s just too early.

The 5th consecutive day here can go a bit Lord of the Flies.  It’s good to keep things moving.  Luckily our Friday schedule had some awesome activities that the boys really dig.

First thing was 2 liter bottle rockets. That one involved bottles, a little water, some pvc pipe and an air compressor. It was a huge hit! I’m sure that the ones who aren’t sleeping already, are probably trying to assemble that set up right now in their back yards.

We have launched or shot a lot of things this week, but those things really sailed. Two of the Tiger cubs started crying because
a) they couldn’t find their bottles
b) wanted to go again
c) bottle didn’t go the highest
or                                                                                                                                                d) rock and roll life style catching up with them…

We pressed on to our next activity, the bb guns. After the boys listened to their range masters attempt to instill the fear of God in them and established that only one of our scouts is a “Left eyed Dominic” we lined them up and handed them the most anticipated weapon of the week.

picture 319

Just because they aren’t allowed to have pressurized squirt guns at camp, doesn’t mean that they can’t have a little fun aiming the old Red Ryder at some paper targets… and the occasional bird that’s unfortunate enough to wander by.

We made it through lunch and our daily squirt gun wars with the packs whose camp homes border our own.  These seem to escalate, with each passing day, and I think we broke it up  just in time.

We had to get to announcements/flag pole/surprise.

All that I remember about that, aside from trying to find a place in the crowd far from our squirt gun enemies, was a guy in the front dressed as a cowboy on an inflatable horse thanking all the volunteers.

Also, I took a tumble coming in. It turns out that after the boys lost interest in the pistol packin’ mama speaker yesterday, many of them entertained themselves by digging holes with sticks.

We only had the maze and soap carving left and parents from the pack were already breaking down our camp, the end was in sight. Unfortunately, the boys got through the maze (of blue tarps attached to stakes) in record time, leaving plenty of time for us to fill with duck duck goose, tattling, crying and eventual bribing with Twizzlers.

picture 246.

At soap carving the boys carved a bar of ivory soap into a pile of ivory soap using plastic knives. Another pack passed by yelling “we’ve got spirit how ‘bout you?!”  This is a cheer that’s designed to start out sort of aggressive and escalate, but on the last day of camp could easily degenerate into a brawl.

Thankfully their leaders moved them along and I was able to reassure our tired, frazzled, crazy boys that they definitely had more spirit. “Look guys they’re backing off, you don’t need to make them eat soap, please put down the plastic knives.”

After the painfully slow lowering of the Kansas flag, during which I told my own kiddo to zip it or I might retire his colors, we were definitely ready for the bus. I carried today’s disappearing tiger cub all the way there, operation complete.

So, in closing I dedicate these posts to Cub Masters, Den Leaders, Camp Directors and Range Masters everywhere.  Ya’ll deserve a raise!  Oh, wait…

Parents, definitely volunteer and get out there, if you can swing it.  I promise that they’ll make you laugh.

Don’t go if you have any history of anger control problems though, because even the most mild mannered people can be pushed to their wits end by a little boy who won’t stop soaking your shorts with a spray bottle and yelling, “She’s peeing!”  Remember, you don’t want to do anything that causes you to end up on the news.

Thank goodness I’ll have a month to recover before Daughter and I head to Daisy Day Camp:)

Thursday @ Day Camp

Sent: Thu 6/7/2012 7:48 PM
We started the day, after our daily homage to the flag, with the obstacle course. A high school girl was waiting there to help the guys split into 4 groups for things like; running through tires, high jump, monkey bars, ski’s for three and tug of war.  In a surprising turn of events the wiry guys took down the husky boys two times out of three in tug of war.

After a snack (we get our boys from place to place by leaving a trail of teddy grahams) it was on to the leather station. The boys each got a leather medallion that they could hammer with stamps. I’m really surprised at the amount of hammering that goes on here.  Soothing sounds of the hammer, all the livelong day.

Please  Please

Alright, I digress. We had lunch after that, which was pretty exciting because today instead of bag lunches we grilled hot dogs and made s’mores and after that awesomeness, we were all ready for a midday surprise at the flagpole.

To recap, So far this week we had our tornado drill (I think they threw some tootsie rolls at us), the Indian dancing and Popsicle combo, then fire truck/hose down party, so we’re setting the bar pretty high.

Today’s surprise…. the gun enthusiast speaker lady that you see below, oh yeah. The boys were a little disappointed after they realized that she was shootin’ blanks and wasn’t going to blow up a portapotty or anything.

thursday 001 

Next we headed down to the zip line, which they loved. Half the boys worked at a table making cards for meals on wheels recipients, while the other half lined up to sit in the little zip line chair.

I hung out at the card table to help regulate.  The cards were blank, but had phrases at the top like “Sending you a smile” or “Thinking of you” and the boys were asked to add a little note or drawing.  I had to scrap “thinking of you … in a car crash” even though the picture had a lot of detail.  Time to bring down the thunder, I mean, give those boys a little more direction.

picture 307

Our last activity was the wood station. A seventh grade scout was waiting to equip the boys with saws and of course hammers.

I was just biding my time to get back on the bus before anyone lost a finger or was hit by a hammer. One kid did hit another kid with a hammer, but we took away his hammer, and his saw. Also, in an unrelated story, his spray bottle.

We were all ready to say good bye to the flags and hello to the bus ride home with African-American Danica Patrick. The ride was less eventful than yesterdays and I found myself beginning to glaze over, but snapped into action when I heard a kid yell, “Your face is my booster seat!”

Not on my watch Mister.

Hump Day at Day Camp

Sent: Wednesday, 6/6/2012 9:28 PM

It’s Day 3 at Day Camp!   The boys all lined up to get retaped as we headed to the bus. Unfortunately during the taping process the scissors got caught in the duct tape, one thing led to another and I almost sliced off the top of my left pointer finger.  Luckily, they held the bus until I was able to stop the gushing, and I’m sure that our Dukes of Hazard bus driver made up for any lost time.

As soon as we got off the bus the boys spotted a lost baby mole and were instantly concerned that it might need to be misted. It was a difficult job getting them to disperse, with all the excitement of their 1st wild animal sighting.

We did need to get going though, because we had an important responsibility, doing the flag ceremony! Oh yeah, Kansas flag you are going down, I was all ready to shove it up my shirt and start the pledge, but they, the important people… two women with cowboy hats and bullhorns told us that it was actually flag day (check your calendars people, it is so not flag day).

Nevertheless, it was apparently time for “Camp Flag Day” which includes an absolutely flagarific bonanza of patriotism.  Another pack did the American flag, we got assigned …the Kansas flag and there were other flags all over the place.

After that we were more than ready to head to our first activity, non-mechanical bull.

dc1 001

I ended up carrying a wiped out tiger cub to the next one, which was tennis ball catapulting.

picture 276 which I can’t recommend highly enough.

A little after lunch a fire truck showed up.

picture 280 There’s nothing like a few hundred boys frolicking in cold hose water.

It was easy to find our next activity because of all the taxidermy.

Sort of like this, but, in a trailer,                                                                                          the walls of which were covered with animal heads,                                              yowza.

After walking through the trailer picture 287… of the deer departed, they made plush snakes from neckties and did some plaster animal tracks.                   

We finished off the day with a hike and then an eventful bus ride  back to civilization. The leader from our bus buddy/neighbor school, hollered for me to pass some first aid supplies back.  Apparently there was a nose bleed back there, so he was doing a little triage while the bus weaved, and was taking some heavy illegal squirt gun fire.

I just let him keep that bandanna.

Cub Scout Day Camp… Second Day

Sent: Tue 6/5/2012 9:52 PM

Yes, I came back again


Today I brought a whistle,

That’s right, I Captain Von Trapped all my people.

Okay, I’m not that good, but the whistle did save my voice. I’d blow it to get their attention, then we do a cheesy cheer,

“C-A-M…P-E-R! Campers, Yes we are! Hey!” and the Count Off.

Also, I put red duct tape across all of their backs, so it’s easier to sort them from the rabble.


We banned the “Rock you, sock you” song.  Honestly, I think it was the first thing that crossed my mind this morning… it’s burned into my brain. Anyway, it’s gone and I won’t miss it, although I might catch myself still humming it… j/k.

Today, activity number one was Human Foosball and then they did sling shots, all before lunch.  Noonday flag pole fun?  The mic-o-say Indian dancers and Popsicles!

After that we went to The Trading Post, where boys were able to buy the same rocks that were all over the ground for a dollar fifty each, and as if rocks alone weren’t enough, they also carry a great selection of plastic handcuffs, bouncy balls and other quality items. My Son purchased plastic sheriff badges for Sis and himself.

We packed up all of their items and put them in somebody’s car.  That way we didn’t have to spend the rest of the day breaking up fights between campers wielding tiny rubber swords that say “Day Camp 2011”.

Ugh, Don’t make me use the plastic handcuffs!

Instead, we headed off to our egg drop activity.                                                     Just giving a group of little boys a raw egg, seems risky,  

having them figure out ways to drop it without breaking it, that’s just cheap entertainment.

They wrapped up the day making crafty handkerchiefs with crafty slides.

The boys were able to fill any down time by throwing water at each other or doing a little hula hooping. We were pretty much accident free, except for a boy who got hit in the face with the portapotty door… while attempting to harass a portapotty user, and another whose tongue got stuck in his water bottle. No permanent damage.